Five Game Parlay: Week 17
This is the final week of the regular season, and now it is the final week of the Five Game Parlay! It has been a fun season all year long, even though there isn't much drama to the final standings. Steve has gone on quite the run over the last few weeks and has leapfrogged Joe for first place. There is still a shot for Joe but it isn't a great shot. On the other hand Drake, Ryan, and Polka are hoping to stay out of the cellar. Let's look at the last week of the Five Game Parlay!
Steve 42-35-3 (4-0-1)
Joe 39-39-2 (3-1-1)
Drake 35-44-1 (2-3)
Ryan 34-43-3 (1-4)
Polka 33-46-1 (0-4-1)
It’s been a great year and it looks like I’m going to pull off my second consecutive Fighting Chance Parlay Championship. While it’s not quite over, I’m confident enough to all it a wrap and I’m not worried in the least of jinxing myself. To celebrate, I’m going to provide you some songs that you can listen to, that chronicle my rise to the top. Oh, and pop a bottle of bubbly and celebrate with me!!!
Houston Texans (-7.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars. Hearts on Fire by John Cafferty (from the Rocky 4 Soundtrack). I did some serious training before this season, so pop on this song and picture me with my shirt off lifting 50-pound rocks over my fucking head in a barn. (Editor’s Note: no one wants to picture you without a shirt on, we will throw up our lunches.)
Kansas City Chiefs (-14.5) over Oakland Raiders. Amazing by Kanye. I started out slow, but my comeback to catch and leapfrog Joe Gallina has been simply Amazing.
Philadelphia Eagles (-7) over Washington Redskins. All I Do is Win by DJ Khaled. To end the season, I went on quite the winning streak. A lot of winning…just like Trump.
Chicago Bears (+5) over Minnesota Vikings. Celebration by Kool and the Gang. Time to kick back and celebrate my victory.
Indianapolis Colts (-3) over Tennessee Titans. Hall of Fame by The Script. Might as well induct me into the Parlay Pickin’ Hall of Fame now…it’s inevitable.
New York Giants -7 over Dallas Cowboys. Despite what they are saying in the media, the Cowboys aren’t likely to play their starters for more than a series or two. They already give up the fourth most catches per game to RBs so expect Saquon Barkley to feast this week. Who knows, this may be Eli’s last game as the Giants starting QB. That could motivate him and prevent the appearance of the Eli face.
Cleveland Browns +6 over Baltimore Ravens. The Ravens are 5-2 at home and need to win to have a chance to clinch the NFC North. This is a big game for the Browns too since they would finish above .500 for the first time since 2007. The Ravens will win but the Brownies keep it close.
Jacksonville Jaguars +7 over Houston Texans. The Texans are 2-9-1 ATS in their last 13 December games and the Jags have covered in their last two visits to Houston. The Texans need this win to become the AFC south champs. They’ll win but every so often the Jags’ defense plays up to par. This will be one of those weeks.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers Pk over Atlanta Falcons. Jameis Winston has to put on a good show for the Bucs or his next potential employer. If the Bucs don’t like what they see they can walk away from the $20.9 million they owe him should they so choose. The Falcons have won two straight but have also been a bad road team. Take Winston and the $20.9 million.
Philadelphia Eagles -7 over Washington Redskins. The Eagles need a win to have a chance to make the playoffs. A Redskins offense that has scored 16 or fewer points in each of their last four games will keep the legend of Nick Foles alive…well, at least for a few minutes until the Vikings beat the Bears and eliminate the Eagles from playoff contention.
Indianapolis Colts -3 over Tennessee Titans. Colts are an easy play this week. The Titans are rolling with a backup QB and won't be able to score with Indy. Luck should throw for 300 and 3 while the Titans might throw for 11 yards. Easy money. I need to run the table and this is a strong start.
Philadelphia Eagles -7 over Washington Redskins. Eagles will go into Washington and throttle the Dead-skins. Josh Johnson? I'd rather have some douchebag in his 1990's "Big Dick Johnson" shirt playing QB. Speaking of packing a big gun, Nick Foles is going to keep his magic going and helps the Birds backdoor into the playoffs.
New York Giants -7 over Dallas Cowboys. Sure why not? I'm no Dallas fan and they have nothing to play for. I assume they'll sit most of their good players in the second half. The Giants for whatever reason seem to enjoy fucking up their draft status and I don't expect them to wise up this week. Give me the G-Men to win and cover.
Chicago Bears +5 over Minnesota Vikings. Da Bears!!!! Eagles fans need the Bears to show up this week and knock off the Vikings. Call me a homer but I think they do it. The Bears D is legit and defense travels. I can see the Monsters of the Midway ruining the party in Minnesota because lets face it, the Vikings know one thing and its heartbreak. Here comes another collapse.
Los Angeles Chargers -7 over Denver Broncos. Denver has quit. It's over. Vance Joseph stinks. Case Keenum stinks. This whole organization blows. LA runs wild like Hulkamania over these chumps.
This season certainly didn’t go as I hoped, but let’s finish with a bang!
New Orleans Saints -10 over Carolina Panthers. Sure, Drew Brees and probably Michael Thomas aren’t going to play, but I still think Teddy Bridgewater can lead this team to an easy win over the Cam-less and Christian-less Panthers. Even if they can’t I can win this damn competition anyway!
Philadelphia Eagles -7 over Washington Redskins. Washington sucks, the Eagles have a ton of motivation, this line could be 13 and I would still take Philly.
Chicago Bears +5 over Minnesota Vikings. The Bears are an underdog? With a chance at still getting a first round bye I see the Bears winning this one outright, so to get five points on top is gravy. Sure, the Vikings are playing for their playoff lives, but I don’t think the Vikings playoff lives matter.
Los Angeles Chargers -7 over Denver Broncos. The Chargers can still get the first round bye with some help, and the Broncos suck something awful. Case Keenum was a mistake, Phillip Lindsay is out, and the receiving corps is down to a bunch of rookies. I expect the Chargers to roll.
Atlanta Falcons pk over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Meh, I couldn’t find a fifth game I liked. I think Tampa sucks, and this will be their final game under Dirk Koetter. I’m not a huge fan of Atlanta either, but I think they have a better team so I’ll go with them.
Since I’m in last place I’m picking all big spreads and keeping it really short-
New York Jets +14.5 over New England Patriots. The Jets are a 14 1/2 point road dog and my theme here is resting starters, which the Pats will do, Jets cover 14 1/2
Oakland Raiders +14.5 over Kansas City Chiefs. Raiders are a 14 road dog at Kansas City, and will also cover the spread as the Chiefs rest some of the troops.
Cincinnati Bengals +16 over Pittsburgh Steelers. Steelers are a 16 point home favorite with the Bungals coming too town. If Marv Lewis remains gainfully employees after this season, I’ll win the NFBC Main Event! Bengals cover the 16-
Arizona Cardinals +14.5 over Seattle Seahawks. Seattle is another huge home favorite but they don’t have the luxury to sit everyone as the Rams are division champs and the Seahawks are playing for a home game. Cardinals cover 14 1/2
Denver Broncos +7 over Los Angeles Chargers. Lastly, The Chargers are seven point road favorites in Denver, I hate Denver and hate horse toothed jack ass John Elway, but Denver will cover the seven and keep it close at home.